I'm thinking of running for President of the United States of America

I know this is "our" retirement blog but this now appears to be part of retirement for me. I've been thinking. Sincerely - I'd love to throw my hat in the ring for President of the United States of America. Da da da da da da da da da da da . . . da da da da daaa da da da da da da. . . you know how the music goes.

I think that just considering it opening might help me get my book published, oh, and a ghost writer to help me finish it. This would allow me to follow up with a second book within 12 months. Perhaps I'm reading into this but it appears to me that considering running for the top office adds opportunities, time and money up the wazoo.

I honestly qualify for the job. I'm old enough, a born citizen and am female - which it appears is the next big step in American politics. Let's evolve people! Additionally, I am willing to accept ridiculous offers allowing for me to build up my coffers for the campaign.

I know that my family and I could put out a riveting reality show. We are "real" Americans. You couldn't be more American that us. I can prove it too. My husband and I are both on our second marriage - average. We have been married for more than 30 years - well above average. I have four children, two from each marriage - average. I have MS and type 2 diabetes - average disease quota. While living in Wisconsin I actually and truly hunted for deer and one season shot three on opening day - again above average. Unlike the current Presidential wannabe, my hunting cloths were torn and dirty and blood stained - super extra points for being super extra real!!! (Additionally, I wore a blaze orange knit hat that turned my blond hair to straw, super real). I have pictures fishing on our pontoon boat on an inland lake in Northern Wisconsin (less than 1 hour from Canada). I actually am seen holding my catch in my bare hands making faces, not pretending to be loving it. Very real!!! I get out of cleaning the catch of the day through whatever means possible - really? We tried two years of living in RVs, snow birding it during winter. This didn't work for me. We now live in a real house in N. Las Vegas, NV, the foreclosure capital of the United States. Having taken advantage of someone's misfortune to get ahead puts me in a slightly smarmy light I can see Arizona from the Stratosphere on a clear day.

As for the rest of my family, I have four daughters. One daughter is a lesbian. Another served our country as a Army medic in Iraq and had to defend herself, killing for her country. One daughter married a Filipino and has two children. One daughter is a skilled computer geek working for a nationally known hospital. One daughter married a Mexican in her mid thirties. One of our daughters has ADD and is severely dyslexic. One daughter works in human resources in a high paced industry. One daughter lives with us, works and attends a local college. My husband is retired from an auto manufacturer which fell apart and revoked many of our medical benefits. We are a bit sour over that. I worked for over 25 years as a legal secretary and am now medically retired. We appeal to many demographic groups.

My platform is democratic, somewhat conservative and I would be able to reach across the isle in that I am Sagittarius, meaning I was born under the happiest and friendliest of zodiac signs. I have a live-and-let-live attitude and am seldom angry but when I am, I am told I can be hurtfully sarcastic. I just don't see it. Further, my brother is a republican and my best friend from high school is a republican and works for a high ranking southern republican in the senate or house or something. If lower taxes and tax issues are the only reason to be a republican I might switch, but I honestly feel they have hidden agendas and frankly most of the republicans are scary. Face it, winning or losing they have nasty faces. When they do smile, they are still scary.

I am not photogenic and have never won a beauty contest. I do, however, twirl a baton. I am more than willing to have my party dress me in the most flattering and appropriate cloths, at whatever cost, and shamelessly admit it. I have never been mayor or held office but I always wanted to and often talk about it, especially during the nightly news. I can go with the flow so why not go for the top? And I understand there is plenty of room for looking foolish, stupid, ridiculous and defensive. I am not now or ever will be afraid of Katie Curik. I can be awestruck by famous people. I wouldn't be ashamed to admit that my best reading is done in my private library. If I am caught off guard by the press I'll admit it. Frankly, they have more experience than any of us and usually know what the answers will be before the questions are asked.

My first promise? I promise to never lean with one elbow on the podium. Secondly I promise to never ask "hows that workin' fer ya?". Finally, I will never ever ever say "man up".

I do not acknowledge the tea party. Tea Parties are for little girls in fuffy skirts who talk to bears and eat imaginary food.

I was an extremely average high school student, have a 4.00 at UWM for an English course I took and a 4.00 at MATC for a medical secretary certificate.

I would hire from my pool of experts. I.e., I have several friends who are capable of pulling together improntu cocktail parties and more than a few friends with strong opinions, often times offensive. I am still looking for an uber wealthy Cheney-esqe asshole and am looking forward to the results of my "should I run" poll.

Well I'm off. I'll be busy exploring my options for venues to officially announce my candidancy. I can almost hear hail to the chief.

P.S. I wrote this all by myself and I did use spell check in the proofing of this document.